"What you thought before has led to every choice you have made, and this adds up to you at this moment. If you want to change who you are physically, mentally, and spiritually, you will have to change what you THINK." - Dr. Patrick Gentempo

I believe there is much wisdom in the above statement. Major shifts in thinking - both personal and societal - are difficult, but these are the essential first steps to ending domestic violence.

ABUSERS think they can keep their partners in their lives by using control and intimidation and instilling fear in their partners, but instead, it is this very behavior that drives them away.
VICTIMS, on the other hand, think if they can just get their partners some kind of mental health or medical help, or change their own behavior, the abuse will stop.

This past week I came across a newly published article by a DV lecturer. I heaved a huge sigh of disappointment. It was all about "the cycle of abuse". I decided to post about the cycle on Facebook and hundreds of people responded. Most did not have correct information about current DV theory. I am always concerned when those who train others in this vital topic are not themselves well trained, so I want to share a bit about that here.

The "Cycle of Violence" is a psychological theory of how DV abuse occurs in a relationship. It was developed in the 1970's by Dr. Lenore Walker, who wrote the book "The Battered Woman" and coined that term. Although the theory is not scientific, is outdated and is no longer used by experts in this field, it is still widely taught and referenced.